1) Don't order steak at the Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day, so it's best to let them cook something they know.

2) Don't laugh at Southern peoples names, such as Merleen, Lerleen, Bodie, Luther, Ray, Tammy Ann, Maribeth, Inex, etc. These people have been known to whip butt for less.

3) Don't order a bottle of "pop" or a can of "soda." This can lead to a whipping. Down South it's called COKE. It don't make any difference whether it is Pepsi, 7-Up or whatever else, it's still a Coke.

4) Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't in the SEC or ACC. (Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, Clemson, Florida State, UNC, NC State, VA, etc). All the others are just a bunch of pansies that play teams like Wyoming.  (EDITOR'S NOTE: This is the list as it was emailed to me.  Please notice the absence of the Lousers and that the Tigers were listed before the Criminoles)

5) Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our heritage and are quite proud of it. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated, and generally lots nicer.

6) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of FedEx,Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Home Depot, Netscape). Naturally, we do sometimes experience a small lapse in judgment (e.g., Clinton, Fordice, Duke).

7) We don't care if you think we're dumb because we'll whip your butts.

8) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so please shut up, spend your money, and get the heck out of here.

9) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended and DO NOT put sugar on your grits.

11) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a flip. If you don't like it here, take yourself home.

12) We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy northern games, so don't come down here asking the score because we don't give a dang.  (EDITOR'S NOTE:  I cannot say I agree with these being "sissy" sports, though I concur they do seem most Yankee in nature)

13) We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we want to and because we can. We don't care if you don't understand what we're saying. All other Southerners do understand what we're saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go home.

14) Last, but not least. DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This will get you shot. You're lucky we let you come down here. Question our Bar-B-Q ...and go home in a pine box. (EDITOR'S NOTE:   Unfortunately, Maurice's has chosen to associate themselves with the Lousers.  Nonetheless, Carolina yellow BBQ truly is the best in the world ...though John Wayne's BBQ up in North Carolina is pretty good...And a very good argument could be made that there is no where like the GA. PIG!)

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